You're Only Second Rate
by DoktorK
Summary: Parody of the villain song.  Vlad returns to get revenge on Jack, and he's using a stolen page from the book of villains book of revenge.


I've decided to start a series of villain song parodies. Here comes…

**You're Only Second Rate**

Are scene opens to show us our favorite overweight ghost hunter and ghost dog. After the Disateroid passed, Jack had started further research on ghost, of course, having a super powered son helps. Not too long afterwards, Cujo had come to be the Fentons' pet. Today was a bit of a day off since Maddie and Jazz were having a mother-daughter trip and Danny was chasing after some of his enemies. Jack had decided to take himself and Cujo into the words for some "male-bonding."

"Nothing like a barbeque, eh boy?" Jack asked happily. Cujo barked happily in response. Cujo started to sniff a sandwich but yelped when he saw something on it. Jack looked down and saw what Cujo was worried about. "SPIDER!" yelled Jack. "This is the perfect time to test my new…," Jack pulled out a large tank with a spray nozzle, "Fenton Gas. Works on bugs and ghosts." Suddenly an army of spiders began to assemble. "And I hope it works." Jack sprayed a green gas at the spiders, but rather than killing them, the spiders used the gas as a smoke effect while the piled up and assembled into a humanoid form. The spiders then changed into someone Jack hoped to never see again, his old college "friend" and his son's arch-enemy, Vlad Masters/Plasmus.

"Miss me?" Vlad asked with sarcasm.

Cujo whimpered at the sight of the vampire-like ghost. "Don't worry Cujo, ghosts can't die and my research shows that ghosts cannot kill humans directly." Jack said with confidence. Vlad then shot a beam of energy at Jack, burning him to a crisp. "You'd be surprised what you can live through."

"The only thing your good at is making me laugh, Jack." Vlad said mockingly.

Jack reached behind his back and pulled out a set of lasers and opened fired on Vlad. Each shot was a direct hit. Eventually, Jack's lasers ran out of power. Fortunately, they were no longer needed since Vlad had been reduced to ash. "Ha! Now who's laughing?"

Almost immediately, Vlad's ashes reassembled into Vlad, "He, he, he. That would be me."

"Wait. How are you still in one piece?"

"After my flight from Earth, the Disasteroid hit me and increased my power ten fold. Now my powers are phenomenally cosmically strong. And thanks to my research, and some annoying kid who is a villains fan, I know just the right way to get revenge on you."

"And how's that?" On cue, Vlad started singing.

_I must admit,  
Your parlor tricks are amusing_

Vlad shot a beam of energy at Jack, turning him into a magician.

_I bet you've got a bunny  
Under your hat!_

Vlad took away the magicians hat he gave Jack to reveal a rabbit. However, the rabbit was huge and crushed Jack under its' weight.

_Now here's your chance  
To get the best of me,  
Hope your hand is hot!_

Vlad summoned a hand of cards, two of which were jokers that looked like Jack and Cujo.

_C'mon, clown,  
Let's see what you've got!_

Vlad through the cards over his shoulder and the Jack and Cujo images popped off showing they were the actual Jack and Cujo. Jack then pulled out the Fenton Peeler and fired a massive blast at Vlad. Direct hit, but no effect.

_You try to slam me  
With your hardest stuff  
But your double whammy  
Isn't up to snuff_

Vlad then flew over and slapped Jack across the face and turned him into a crippled old man.

_I'll set the record straight  
You're simply out of date  
You're only second rate!_

Cujo, having seen enough of Jack getting tortured, transformed into his demon dog form.

_You think your dog's a meanine,  
But your wolf's tame_

Vlad created a hoop that lion tamers use to have animals jump through. When Cujo attacked Vlad, he held up the hoop, causing Cujo to return to normal.

_You've got a lot to learn  
About the villain game_

Vlad place Jack, returned to his original age, and Cujo on a stool and a giant Vlad showed them an equation on a chalkboard. If they were small or if everything else was big, we don't know.

_So for your information,  
I'll reiterate  
You're only second rate!_

Vlad placed a large dunce cap on our heroes. When they removed it, the stool flipped and Jack and Cujo fell what appeared to be an infinite pit. They landed in Vlad's hand. His four fingers look like his human form.

_Men cower at the power  
In my pinky_

Jack and Cujo backed away from the large pinky finger threatening to crush them, but they bumped into Vlad's thumb, which looked like his ghost form.

_My thumb is number one  
On every list_

The thumb then grew arms, spun around, and turned into Vlad.

_But if you're not convinced  
That I'm invincible,  
Put me to the test!  
I'd love to lay this rivalry to rest!_

Vlad ripped the ground open, forming two graves that Jack and Cujo fell in. The ground exploded as Jack burst out with an arsenal of weapons. First he shot his Cat-O'-Ninetails at Vlad tying him up. Then he sucked him into the Fenton Thermos. Finally he shoved a blade that tears through ectoplasmic DNA. Cujo winced at the demise of Vlad.

_Go ahead and zap me  
With the big surprise  
Snap me in a trap,  
Cut me down to size_

The thermos shook violently, forcing Jack to drop it. It exploded and a large cake appeared, which Vlad burst through the top of.

_I'll make a big escape  
It's just a piece of cake  
You're only second rate!_

Jack decided it would be best if he and Cujo ran away. During this escape, they ran into a stone tiki that looked like Vlad. The two then fell down a trapdoor.

_You know, your weaponry  
Isn't tough enough  
And your fire-power  
Doesn't measure up_

Jack and Cujo landed on an escalator that went up to the feet of a giant Vlad. The two started running down the escalator and were nearly shot by one of Vlad's energy beams.

_Let me pontificate  
Upon your sorry state  
You're only second rate!_

Jack and Cujo tried to run away again, but ran into a wall with a living Vlad image on it.

_Zaba-caba-dabra!_

Our heroes saw an old lady in a rocking chair. They knew, with Vlad around, they had to get her to safety. To their shock though, the old lady was really Vlad.

_Granny's gonna grab ya!_

Vlad chased after Jack and Cujo. All the while, he grew in size and power.

_Alakazam-da-mus  
And this thing's bigger than the both of us!_

Jack and Cujo ended up being chased into a ring of Vlad clones.

_So spare me your tremendous scare!  
You look horrendous in your underwear!_

Somehow, Vlad pulled down Jack's pants, even though he's in a jumpsuit.

_And I can hardly wait  
To discombobulate_

Vlad used his powers to separate all of Jack's limbs and juggle them, but Jack was still alive somehow.

_I'll send ya back and packing  
In a shipping crate_

Vlad threw all of Jack's limbs into a crate and sealed him inside, even though it broke from how big Jack was. He and Cujo then found themselves on a giant spinning plate that Vlad spun.

_You'll make a better living  
With a spinning plate  
You're only second rate!_

Next thing they knew, Jack and Cujo were in a cell with a force field that stops both humans and ghosts. Vlad looked at them with pleasure in his handiwork. He then turned to his only remaining henchman, the Box Ghost. "Come Box Ghost, we have other lives to ruin."

As Vlad phased through the wall, the Box Ghost followed. Right before he phased through he turned back to face Jack and Cujo.

"BEWARE!"


End file.
